Gail Lowe

Stop Judging From the Gap

July 5, 2021 / Gail Lowe

How many hidden ideals do you have in your life that keep you from feeling like a success?

They hide behind sneaky little self-judgements like I didn’t get all the laundry done, or I only exercised twice this week, not four times like I swore I would after eating popcorn and an entire package of Swedish Berries. It doesn’t seem to matter that I got 90% of the laundry done or that I worked my butt off all week and deserved a splurge of delicious red calories.

I still struggle with a sinking feeling of not measuring up.

It’s all because I have been viewing my life from the “gap”. The space that exists between where I am and where I think I should be.

I’ve been eye-balling those ideals of achievement daily and ignoring the daily progress of ME, showing up. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is one heck of an achievement when your last trip to the bathroom was at 3:30 a.m. and for some mysterious reason you’re still awake.

Fortunately the topic of the gap and the gain has started showing up on my radar. I was immediately comforted by the concept of measuring my progress by how far I’ve come instead of how far I have left to go. Think of driving cross country with your kid in the back seat asking over and over “are we there yet”. With that kind of pressure the miles keep growing and you feel like you’ll never arrive. This is exactly what we do to ourselves when we measure against our ideals.

Where do those ideals come from in the first place? Quite often it’s from looking at the success of others and measuring ourselves against that. But we all have different lives and what works for me isn’t necessarily going to fly in your world. Measure your own progress from your own starting line. Keep heading in the direction of your own finish line and believe that showing up is what’s important.

I’m on the lookout for the hidden ideals in my life. The ones that don’t make sense and the ones that make me unhappy. I’m willing to let the laundry ideal go to make space for writing. Popcorn once a week is reasonable and I don’t do penance afterwards. I have created starting lines so I can measure my progress towards the things I want to achieve. My finish lines move around but I’m the one moving them, not the experts I have never met, no matter how much I admire their achievements.

I want a t-shirt now that says “Stop Judging from the Gap”. Every time I look in the mirror it will remind me to feel the Gain, not the Gap.

Cope, It’s Good For You

June 28, 2021 / Gail Lowe

by Gail Lowe

This is my favourite Covidism: A person will come out of lockdown as a hunk, a chunk, a drunk or a monk.

The first time I heard it, I laughed. The second time, I put my drink down long enough to step on the scale. Hmm, better rethink my coping strategies.

How are you coping right now? Have you had a chance to catch your breath, find some alone time to write or read or watch the final episodes of Lucifer on Netflix? Or maybe you’re on the other end of the pendulum, having spent far too much time alone since Covid restrictions were invented.

Coping strategies are as varied as the individuals trying to cope. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all fix, not even for the same individual. Lately, my tried-and-true ways of feeling better seem to have lost their magic. So I invented some new ones.

I currently have 75 books checked out of the library. This combination of fiction and non-fiction expands my world when everything seems so constricted. Looking through them, deciding what I want to read in the moment, gives me an awesome sense of wealth and possibility. While reading, I immediately place a hold on all books recommended by the author. I am reading a wider variety of subjects than I ever have before.

Cookbooks are included in this plethora of reading material. Today, we had Migas, Spanish-style eggs with garlicky crumbs and chorizo for brunch. For dinner, we made Fasolada, a Greek white bean soup that includes a topping of Kalamata olives, feta cheese and parsley. Yum! I highly recommend The Milk Street Cookbook 2017-2021, if you want to experience the world one recipe at a time.

I started brushing my teeth with my non-dominant hand. Benjamin Hardy, one of my new favourite authors, recommends this for waking up your brain. Suddenly brushing my teeth is a challenge again. I’m so busy concentrating on brushing my teeth that every other thought disappears.

My new workout consists of dancing. The music has to be loud, and it has to be rocking so it can shake up all of the stuck energy, not just inside of me but also in my house. I dance around the house singing and throwing love into every corner. When I’m done, I feel great. As my pulse recovers, I listen to the restored quiet of the house. I can feel how much the vibration has lifted. The silence sparkles.

For now, my bottle of Captain Morgan’s has been pushed to the back of the cupboard and my scale waits in the closet. I won’t be needing them for a while. I’m stepping out of Covid with a whole new list of coping strategies.

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Tame The Dragon

May 24, 2021 / Gail Lowe

by Gail Lowe

I am in the process of taming my dragon.

I write while it’s sleeping or preoccupied with some other dragon-worthy pursuit. But eventually, it pins its fiery gaze on my work and burns words to ash. Rubbish, it snorts, slinking back into its cave, leaving me to wonder why I ever thought I could be a writer in the first place.

What my inner dragon doesn’t realize is that these soul-searching moments are fortifying my resolve to face my biggest critic. Myself. If I can do that, then I will be better equipped to face any other critic I encounter on the road to Writerville.

I’m not against criticism. Constructive feedback is essential to growth. It’s the criticism that comes from a place of limitation that’s harmful. The self-talk that keeps you small. This is what needs to stop. Or as my mom says: If you can’t say something helpful then zip it.

So how do you zip those inner thoughts?

Know a Lie When You Hear It

Know a Lie When You Hear It

My dragon lies. In fact, my dragon is a big fat liar! Once I started to challenge the truth behind those thoughts, the emotional response fell away.

Redirect Your Thoughts

I became the observer of my thoughts. As a result, most times I can stop the negative spiral and get to the truth. My writing is better than it once was but less than what it will be. I am a work in progress. Choosing to focus on what I’m doing right while keeping future goals in mind changed the game. Now when my dragon throws a haughty breath in my direction the fire extinguisher is already primed.

Accept Uncertainty

Every time I step outside of my comfort zone I open myself up to internal resistance. My dragon doesn’t like uncertainty. It prefers the comfort of its risk-free predictable cave, and it doesn’t help that my dragon has a very long memory of things that didn’t go exactly as planned. It loves the “I-told-you-so” moments. These are when the routine of writing keeps me grounded. As long as I am doing the work, I feel like my compass is set. Like a well-prepared Indiana Jones, pushing past self-imposed limits into the unknown.

Learn the Power of the Shush

When my dragon is particularly bossy, I pull the Dr. Evil shushing thing from Austin Powers. My dragon roars. I shush. It tries again and I shush. I start to think I’m the funniest and most ridiculous person in the world and I laugh that dragon right out of my head. Thank you Austin Powers.

Ultimately, what I want is a peaceful co-existence with my dragon. Tame doesn’t mean extinguished. If it has something useful to say, then I will listen. After all, every writer knows the value of a good critique partner.