Category: Writing (Page 1 of 3)

Stop Judging From the Gap

July 5, 2021 / Gail Lowe

How many hidden ideals do you have in your life that keep you from feeling like a success?

They hide behind sneaky little self-judgements like I didn’t get all the laundry done, or I only exercised twice this week, not four times like I swore I would after eating popcorn and an entire package of Swedish Berries. It doesn’t seem to matter that I got 90% of the laundry done or that I worked my butt off all week and deserved a splurge of delicious red calories.

I still struggle with a sinking feeling of not measuring up.

It’s all because I have been viewing my life from the “gap”. The space that exists between where I am and where I think I should be.

I’ve been eye-balling those ideals of achievement daily and ignoring the daily progress of ME, showing up. Sometimes simply getting out of bed in the morning is one heck of an achievement when your last trip to the bathroom was at 3:30 a.m. and for some mysterious reason you’re still awake.

Fortunately the topic of the gap and the gain has started showing up on my radar. I was immediately comforted by the concept of measuring my progress by how far I’ve come instead of how far I have left to go. Think of driving cross country with your kid in the back seat asking over and over “are we there yet”. With that kind of pressure the miles keep growing and you feel like you’ll never arrive. This is exactly what we do to ourselves when we measure against our ideals.

Where do those ideals come from in the first place? Quite often it’s from looking at the success of others and measuring ourselves against that. But we all have different lives and what works for me isn’t necessarily going to fly in your world. Measure your own progress from your own starting line. Keep heading in the direction of your own finish line and believe that showing up is what’s important.

I’m on the lookout for the hidden ideals in my life. The ones that don’t make sense and the ones that make me unhappy. I’m willing to let the laundry ideal go to make space for writing. Popcorn once a week is reasonable and I don’t do penance afterwards. I have created starting lines so I can measure my progress towards the things I want to achieve. My finish lines move around but I’m the one moving them, not the experts I have never met, no matter how much I admire their achievements.

I want a t-shirt now that says “Stop Judging from the Gap”. Every time I look in the mirror it will remind me to feel the Gain, not the Gap.

Tame The Dragon

May 24, 2021 / Gail Lowe

by Gail Lowe

I am in the process of taming my dragon.

I write while it’s sleeping or preoccupied with some other dragon-worthy pursuit. But eventually, it pins its fiery gaze on my work and burns words to ash. Rubbish, it snorts, slinking back into its cave, leaving me to wonder why I ever thought I could be a writer in the first place.

What my inner dragon doesn’t realize is that these soul-searching moments are fortifying my resolve to face my biggest critic. Myself. If I can do that, then I will be better equipped to face any other critic I encounter on the road to Writerville.

I’m not against criticism. Constructive feedback is essential to growth. It’s the criticism that comes from a place of limitation that’s harmful. The self-talk that keeps you small. This is what needs to stop. Or as my mom says: If you can’t say something helpful then zip it.

So how do you zip those inner thoughts?

Know a Lie When You Hear It

Know a Lie When You Hear It

My dragon lies. In fact, my dragon is a big fat liar! Once I started to challenge the truth behind those thoughts, the emotional response fell away.

Redirect Your Thoughts

I became the observer of my thoughts. As a result, most times I can stop the negative spiral and get to the truth. My writing is better than it once was but less than what it will be. I am a work in progress. Choosing to focus on what I’m doing right while keeping future goals in mind changed the game. Now when my dragon throws a haughty breath in my direction the fire extinguisher is already primed.

Accept Uncertainty

Every time I step outside of my comfort zone I open myself up to internal resistance. My dragon doesn’t like uncertainty. It prefers the comfort of its risk-free predictable cave, and it doesn’t help that my dragon has a very long memory of things that didn’t go exactly as planned. It loves the “I-told-you-so” moments. These are when the routine of writing keeps me grounded. As long as I am doing the work, I feel like my compass is set. Like a well-prepared Indiana Jones, pushing past self-imposed limits into the unknown.

Learn the Power of the Shush

When my dragon is particularly bossy, I pull the Dr. Evil shushing thing from Austin Powers. My dragon roars. I shush. It tries again and I shush. I start to think I’m the funniest and most ridiculous person in the world and I laugh that dragon right out of my head. Thank you Austin Powers.

Ultimately, what I want is a peaceful co-existence with my dragon. Tame doesn’t mean extinguished. If it has something useful to say, then I will listen. After all, every writer knows the value of a good critique partner.

The Perfect Excuse

March 21, 2021 / Gail Lowe

I thought I wanted perfect.

I chased it with a list.

Until I changed perspective,

And found what I had missed.

Perfection is the ultimate goal.

That’s the incoming message, isn’t it? I see the cover pages of magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store. Perfectly organized pantries, closets and laundry rooms. Glorious kitchens with everything you need, perfectly placed and waiting for when you need it. Pure fiction, I suspect. At the very least, not my reality.

I have a panic room in my house that hides the real me. You know, the room where clutter gets stuffed while guests visit. Most people don’t go snooping in random rooms when they pop in for a quick visit but just in case, mine has a lock on it. For their own safety really.

I’m not proud of my natural lack of organization save the sock drawer. For some strange reason sock folding is a necessary task that fills me with joy at its completion. That drawer you can look in. Not the others.

I have created many lists over the years in an attempt to reach the ultimate goal of perfection. List completion doesn’t happen nearly as often as list creation. And list retention has proven to be a challenge. For the most part I am still the same messy, chaos-loving individual who has learned to live with clutter-blindness.

Except in my writing.

The need for every word of my novel to be flawless is worse than my sock-drawer compulsion. The story, the plot, the tension, the characters, the first line of each chapter, all of it has to be perfect. Is anyone surprised that my novel remains incomplete?

Learn From My Mistakes Moment: I am trying hardest to be perfect in the one area that needs perfection the least.

Why am I doing this?

Being a good writer is important to me. I always thought perfection equalled success.
The more I learn, the more I recognize how I can improve. Always.
Ultimately I am going to share my work with the world. Do I want to share anything that isn’t perfect?
And the real reason (drum roll): FEAR. Am I brave enough to share?

Fear keeps me working and reworking the same chapters, because until it’s perfect, I don’t have to share. No wonder my muse became completely bored and disillusioned and moved on to a different task. I found her last week reorganizing the Tupperware cupboard.

I have recognized PERFECT for the excuse it is and have struck a new deal with myself. I have posted it on my white board (in an effort to keep the left side of my brain happy):

Author Wanted:

Creativity is a must. A reckless, wild, limitless, crazy flow of unfiltered originality. The you that is you, spilling out onto the page, fearless, confident and irreverent.

Perfect not required.